This was THE dream. Why did I want to leave?

Dear Joy Seeker,

Last week, I was walking around Toronto trying to decide what I wanted for dinner and I could hear my mind telling me “Hey, we need to slow down a bit.”

The week before, I had been in the Netherlands, Romania and Sweden - three countries in seven days. Then straight into a full week in Toronto, intense leadership meetings, long days and a body that was very confused about what time zone it was supposed to be in.

The reality of it all? I was tired.

I remember walking through the city, surrounded by these incredible skyscrapers, feeling the warmth of the evening air and all I could think was:

I can't wait to go home.

I messaged my partner and I told him how much I couldn't wait to be back. To rest. To be with him. To sleep in my own bed.

I sent it, put my phone away and kept walking. And then it hit me:

This is the life I used to dream about.

I was standing in the middle of a city I used to only see in movies, sent there by my own work and all I wanted was to leave.

When I was younger, I imagined having a career that would take me around the world. I wanted to travel for work, to see cities I'd never seen, to walk through skyscrapers and sit in important meetings and have stories to tell.

And here I was, living precisely that dream, telling my partner I couldn't wait to get away from it.

I sat on a bench for a second and let that sink in. I realised that both things were true at once.

I was tired AND this was still the life I asked for.

I missed my partner AND I was standing exactly where nineteen-year-old me used to point at photos in magazines and say someday.

Wanting to go home didn't cancel out how lucky I felt to have somewhere this good to leave.

I think we tend to treat those two feelings as opposites.

Either you're grateful, or you're tired.

Either you love your life, or you're allowed to want a break from it.

But that Tuesday in Toronto taught me they can sit in the same body at the same time and neither one makes the other less true.

Gratitude, I'm realising, isn't about feeling amazing all the time. It's about being able to look at your actual life, jet lag and good news and homesickness all together and recognise it as the one you were once dreaming of.

So this week, I want to invite you to do the same. Somewhere in your ordinary Monday, in the middle of whatever is tiring you out right now, find the version of yourself who once wished for exactly this. Let her have a look.

🌟 3 Ideas for Creating More Joy This Week

1. Reframe the exhaustion - the next time jet lag or a long week wears you down, try reading it as evidence of a full life, not proof something's wrong.

2. Make a proof list - write down three things about your life right now that would have sounded impossible to you a decade ago. Say them out loud.

3. Say the dream out loud - text someone: I'm living the thing I used to dream about. Tell them what the thing is.

📚 2 Inspiring Resources

1. Reel:What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a handmade sweater for his birthday? - I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, this joke made me laugh with tears for 2 days so I needed to share it.

2. Book:The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - I found this book in the airport bookshop and it was the best read for the flight. Practical, easy-to-read book that focuses on small, practical ways to create more happiness in your everyday life - a beautiful reminder that joy isn't always something we find. Sometimes, it's something we intentionally practice.

🤔 This Week's Reflection Question

1. Where am I so focused on "what's next" that I'm missing "look at this"?

With joy,

Irina