Maybe you don’t need to try harder

Dear Joy Seeker,

I have been slightly obsessed with Angela Duckworth’s work for years.

Her first book, Grit, gave language to something I have always believed deeply: that talent alone doesn’t get us very far.

Passion matters. Perseverance matters.

Staying with something long enough to actually become good at it matters.

Grit made sense to me: if something isn’t working, work harder.

Try again. Get better. Become more disciplined. Fix your mindset. Push through.

Then Angela Duckworth released her new book, Situated, and essentially said:

Yes, grit matters. But so does where you put your grit.

And THAT made something click for me.

For the last decade, Duckworth says she has shifted some of her attention from what happens inside high performers to what exists around them: the people, mentors, room and culture.

Because you can be incredibly disciplined and still struggle in an environment that constantly works against you.

You can have a brilliant mindset and work in a culture that slowly drains the life out of you.

You can be deeply ambitious and surround yourself with people who make your dreams feel ridiculous.

You can want to become more confident while spending every day around people who make you question yourself.

You can be gritty as hell and still be badly situated.

I find this incredibly freeing because high achievers (guilty!) have a habit of making everything personal.

Not getting the results you want? Try harder.

Feeling exhausted? Become more resilient.

Struggling to focus? Be more disciplined.

Lost your motivation? Fix your mindset.

But maybe the better question isn't always:

“What do I need to change about myself?”

Maybe sometimes it is:

“What needs to change around me?”

Instead of spending all our energy trying to control ourselves, we can use some of that energy to design what surrounds us.

Maybe the next level isn't always about becoming stronger.

Maybe it's about becoming better situated.

🌟 3 Ideas for Creating More Joy This Week

1. Change one thing within arm's reach - put something joyful where you'll see it: flowers, a photograph, a book, a ridiculous little object that makes you smile.

2. Make one good habit embarrassingly easy - trainers beside the door. Journal on the pillow. Fruit on the counter. Whatever removes one tiny barrier.

3. Make one unwanted habit slightly annoying - charge your phone outside the bedroom. Log out of Instagram. Put the biscuits somewhere inconvenient.

📚 2 Inspiring Resources

1. Book:Situated, Angela Duckworth - the book this newsletter is all about. Filled with examples and practical tips, this book should be next on your reading list.

2. Podcast episode:Stop doing things the hard way, The Happiness Lab - listen to this episode if you want a taster before you commit to the book. In this episode, Angela Duckworth explores why “trying harder” isn't always the answer, including beautifully simple ways to change your immediate surroundings so good choices require less willpower.

🤔 This Week's Reflection Question

1. What would I change around me if I truly believed I didn't have to make everything harder than it needs to be?

Here's to a week of using your grit wisely, not just generously.

With joy,

Irina