You don’t have to feel joyful today

Dear Joy Seeker,

Can I tell you something?

Some days, I just don't feel joyful.

I wake up, and for no particular reason, everything feels a little heavier. The things that normally excite me don't. My patience is shorter, my energy is lower and even the smallest inconvenience feels like a personal attack from the universe.

And on those days, the last thing I want is someone telling me to look on the bright side.

I know I write a newsletter about joy. I coach people on mental fitness and finding more ease and fun in their lives. I believe deeply in the power of a joyful mindset.

But I also know that sometimes, you just can't make yourself smile…and that's okay.

Last week, I was having a coaching session with one of my clients and we were exploring something I call our mental diet.

Just like the food we eat nourishes (or depletes) our bodies, the information we consume does the same to our minds.

So we started looking at her typical morning:

• What was the first thing she reached for when she woke up?
• What was she reading, watching, listening to?
• What kind of thoughts was she feeding her mind before the day had even properly started?

And as we unpacked it, something became obvious.

Her mental breakfast was setting her up for a difficult day before she'd even had her actual breakfast. She was starting her mornings checking slack, absorbing other people's problems, demands, opinions and worries. No wonder she felt exhausted before lunchtime.

That conversation was a beautiful reminder for me, too.

Because whenever I find myself in a joyless state, I've learned not to overcomplicate things.

I don't go searching for a life-changing revelation, trying to force gratitude or convince myself that everything is wonderful.

I go back to the fundamentals.

• 5 minutes of sunlight. Step outside, feel the warmth on my face, remember there's a world beyond my thoughts.
• 10 minutes of movement. Walk, stretch, dance. Nothing ambitious, just remind my body that it's alive.
• Nutritious food. Give my body something that actually nourishes it instead of expecting it to perform miracles on an empty tank.
• Curate my mental feed. Less doomscrolling, comparison and noise and more music, conversations, ideas and stories that leave me feeling better.

That's it, four simple things.

Of course, not every difficult feeling can be fixed with a walk and a healthy breakfast. Some things need time, support, rest or a proper conversation.

And sometimes, a bad day is simply a bad day.

But here's what I keep reminding myself: JOY is not an obligation. It's something we make room for.

We don't need to find the goodness in every situation, we don't need to turn every disappointment into a lesson and we certainly don't need to be the happiest person in the room.

Sometimes, the most joyful thing we can do is stop demanding joy from ourselves. Take care of the basics, let ourselves be human and trust that the light is still there, even on the days we can't quite see it.

🌟 3 Ideas for Creating More Joy This Week

1. Ask yourself what you need, not what you should do - there's a difference.

2. Audit your Social Media feed - unfollow three accounts that leave you feeling inadequate.

3. Lower the bar - on difficult days, doing the essentials is enough.

📚 2 Inspiring Resources

Since we're talking about mental diets, I thought we'd do something different this week. Instead of sharing more content to consume, I'm offering you two nourishing thoughts for the mind - take the one you need today.

1. Quote: "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.", Jon Kabat-Zinn - life won't always be smooth sailing. There will be difficult days, unexpected challenges and moments when everything feels a little too much. The trick isn't to control every wave life throws at us, but to learn how to ride them without losing ourselves in the process.

2. Quote: "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.", Brené Brown - pay attention to how you speak to yourself on a bad day. Would you use the same words with your best friend? We're often our own harshest critics when what we need most is a little kindness. You deserve the same compassion you so freely give to others.

🤔 This Week's Reflection Question

1. Replace asking ”How can I be happier?" and instead, ask: "What have I been feeding my body and mind lately?"

You might be surprised by the answer.

With joy (and permission to have an off day),

Irina